Memory
by Tiamat's Child
Summary: Immediatly after the destruction of the Ring Frodo remembers.  A little bit surreal.


Note: I took Sam and Frodo's dialogue at the end from the corresponding section of Return of the King. I tried to figure out some other way to do it, but it simply wouldn't _work_. I apologize for that.

Disclaimer: The characters and places belong to the late Professor Tolkien not to sweet little me.

Memory

The Nebula's Daughter

"Do you remember that bit of rabbit, Mr. Frodo?" he said. "And our place under the warm bank in Captain Faramir's country, the day I saw an oliphaunt?"

s

"No, I am afraid not, Sam," said Frodo. "At least, I know that such things happened, but I cannot see them."

The Return of the King, Book 2, Chapter 3: Mount Doom

*****

A girl with amber eyes and ginger curls kneels in the garden, watching her younger brother show her how to tie bean stalks to stakes. She looks up and around as if she can sense me coming up behind them. When she spots me she smiles sunnily and beckons.

"Mr. Frodo! Come and see what Papa taught Sam to do!" I grin and obey. I have to concentrate hard to hide my amusement when the eight year old, as always, attempts to downplay his accomplishment and his sister, as always, plays it up.

"It's not much of a thing, Mr. Frodo. May's just a little bit…"

"Don't you go being so modest, Samwise Gamgee! I won't have it! You're just about the best…"

*****

I can remember now.

*****

"Hello, Mr. Frodo!" four year old May stands in front of me, rocking up and down and looking as smug as a well fed cat.

"Hello, Miss May!" I answer, using the title that never fails to make her laugh. Right on cue she lets out a delighted giggle and happily asks,

"Do you know where Mr. Bilbo is?" Her grin grows wider and her rocking threatens to turn into bouncing. "My baby brother was born this morning so Papa won't be coming up today." 

"He's in the library." I echo her cheerful smile with one of my own. "Congratulations!" She takes off for the door, shouting over her shoulder,

"Thank you! I'll get Papa to let you see him! He's going to be my favorite brother, I can tell already!" Her grin is so wide it seems to be almost too much for her face. "You'll like him too! I know."

*****

I couldn't remember before. I knew things had happened, but it was like reading a history book. None of the events belonged to _me_.

*****

"For heaven's sake Sam! How did you manage this?" I am carefully cleaning a cut on Sam's cheek. It's the most serious of his numerous injuries. 

"The cut or the rest of it?" May's voice is scathing from where she leans against the kitchen wall. Sam ignores her.

"I fell." He avoids looking me in the eye as he speaks.

"You fell?" My eyebrows rise incredulously. "This is an awful lot of damage for a fall."

"I fell." I don't believe it. Sam has excellent balance.

"Why don't you just tell him what really happened?" May's voice is colored by her impatience. "He isn't likely to get mad at you."

"I fell." Sam stubbornly sticks to his story.

"Men!" May spins about dramatically and stamps out of the room. I sigh and return to my task, deciding not to ask any more questions. It simply isn't worth it.

*****

The memories are returning, in little snippets of the past. It's rather like standing in the middle of a swarm of soap bubbles, the kind a child will blow on a warm spring day, except that each bubble is a separate memory, and every time a bubble pops another memory returns.

*****

"They're not happy with us." Merry half whispers, half laughs as the two of us sit in the upper branches of the largest of the Brandybuck Hall trees.

"No" I grin at my younger cousin. "We're in real trouble this time."

"Aren't you supposed to _keep_ me from doing this sort of thing?"

"Yep!"

"But you never do."

"Are you complaining?"

"That's a joke question. Right?" 

Our laughter is muffled, but genuine.

*****

It feels wonderful. Even with the pain in my hand, to once again be able to remember those things that shaped me…It is a joy beyond describing.

*****

I drift out of dreams slowly, waking to find myself curled on the ground with Sam curled around me. This was not the way we went to sleep, we must have shifted in the night. I lie very still, for I don't want to disturb Sam. With the strange talent of watchful sleep he's developed recently even the slightest wrong move on my part will wake him. Besides, there's no reason for me to move, where I am is very pleasant. There's something wonderfully cozy about being so close to Sam.

Still…Being very careful not to alert Sam I wriggle my way around until I am facing him. I have to stop moving several times to keep from waking him, but at last we are face to face.

I tuck my head under Sam's chin and wrap my arms around him. I can't resist a small sigh, I was right, this is even better. Sam's warm breath tickles my neck as, still asleep he reaches out and pulls me still closer.

I want to stay awake so I can enjoy this, but I am very tired and fall asleep again almost immediately. This time my dreams are peaceful, full of warmth and comfort. In these dreams I am not alone, I walk with a familiar, beloved presence. Though I never see my companion, I know it to be Sam.

*****

I can remember and I know just how bad our situation is. We are going to die here, but…I'm not ready to give up just yet. 

I scramble to my feet and start down the path as quickly as my abused body can take me. If I can just get to you, Sam, then that will be enough.

*****

"No Sam. You're not walking home in this."

"But Mr. Frodo…!" Sam's eyes widen pleadingly as I take his scarf from him and put it back up on one of the wall hooks.

"But nothing Sam." I gesture to the window, which shows a swirling wall of white. "That is a storm from the end of the world. You'd get lost before you made it to the gate."

"But if I don't go home…" A faint flash of panic crosses his open face.

"Then your family won't worry because they'll know you're safe here." I make my voice as soothing as possible. He calms slightly and slips out of his coat. He turns to place it on a peg, but hesitates.

"I don't want to be a bother, Mr. Frodo." I can't repress an exasperated sigh.

"Sam, I will not be able to sleep unless I know you are safe. The only way for me to know you are safe is for you to stay here tonight. So, please stay? It really isn't a bother."

"All right, Mr. Frodo. I'll stay." I can't hold back my smile.

*****

I draw close to you, Sam, just behind your shoulder. You don't notice me at first and I am able to watch unobserved for several seconds. 

You are far too thin. It hurts to see what you have gone through for my sake. Oh Sam, I have led you to your death in this place so far from home, and the worst part is that all I can feel is relief at not having to die alone.

"Well, this is the end, Sam Gamgee." And then everything is happening at once and you're fussing over my hand and talking and it's amazing how just you being worried makes it hurt less. I answer, but I can't seem to tell you what I need to. But somehow I do manage to get these words out,

"I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam." It's not quite what I mean, but you don't give me a chance to choose better words.

"Yes, I am here with you, Master." You cuddle my hand close, reducing the pain to a dull ache, and continue. "And you're with me. And the journey's finished. But after coming all that way I don't want to give up yet. It's not like me, somehow, if you understand." Dear, dear Sam, it's so very like you to have hope in the face of utter hopelessness. But I cannot find it in me to be so optimistic.

"Maybe not, Sam, but it's like things are in the world. Hopes fail. An end comes. We only have a little time to wait now." Why am I saying this? Why do I feel like I have to state the worst of things? I could just stay silent and let our doom come unspoken. "We are lost in ruin and downfall and there is no escape." But I shan't stay silent, because I want you to understand what I have done to you. Maybe you can forgive me then.

"Well, Master, we could at least go further from this dangerous place here, from this Crack of Doom, if that's its name. Now couldn't we? Come, Mr. Frodo, let's go down the path at any rate!" Oh Sam…

"Very well Sam. If you wish to go, I'll come." Of course I'll come. It's a small comfort to give you. If only I could do more.

You don't let go of my hand as we pick our way down the rocky path. I'm willing to follow anywhere you lead. I only wish I had a longer time to do so.

Still, I will take what comfort I can, and give the same. This time, when I pass into the darkness it will be forever. But even in this you will be with me and so I am not afraid.


End file.
